with your own penis?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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