I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
