my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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