I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
