I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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