the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
