everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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