I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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