Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
