haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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