When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize