Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Damn victory sex feels great
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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