So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
