would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
