I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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