I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize