Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
