Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
