you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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