You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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