you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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