is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
