i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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