You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
