he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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