I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
