overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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