ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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