operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
