Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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