I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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