She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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