Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
