Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
