you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
