Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
