Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
