On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
