I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
