We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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