If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
