Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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