He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
