she was so not down for the gang bang
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
