Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
