I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
