Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can't special order awesome
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
