and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
