What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
