"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
