My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
