Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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