it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
