After last night, I could never be a politician.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
