I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize