I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize