i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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