I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
