Kiss
Puke
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
