i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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