I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
