But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
