My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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