dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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