how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
