I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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