she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just invented taco cereal.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
