pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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