yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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