Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
