I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
