Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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