he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
