i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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