Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
