I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
