i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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