I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
