hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
