Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
