Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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