Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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