I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
