Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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