i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
