Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
