He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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