Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
