NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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