She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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