Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
