i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
