woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
