guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
