Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
