So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
