Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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