Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
